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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 06:44
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 06:44
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It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
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All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
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In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
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Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
There are two ways of constructing a software design; one way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. The first method is far more difficult.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
C combines all the power of assembly language with the ease of use of assembly language
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I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
It\'s not the size of the dog in the fight, it\'s the size of the fight in the dog.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
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Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
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Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
Democracy does not guarantee equality of conditions - it only guarantees equality of opportunity.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
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We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Tact is the ability to tell a man he has an open mind when he has a hole in his head.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.
Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Minsky\'s Second Law: Don\'t just do something. Stand there.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
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Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
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How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
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Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
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They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
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You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
If you are going through hell, keep going.
When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
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Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
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Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
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We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I\'m not sure about the former.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
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Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Either he\'s dead or my watch has stopped.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
My last cow just died, so I won\'t need your bull anymore.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have one\'s doubts.
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I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
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A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
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I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/17/(Tue) 05:31
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